In my new book, Finding My Way, Facing My Journey with Courage, I talk a lot about my experience with setting clear boundaries, and how important that is in order to take care of me, without the guilt.
The truth is people will continue to show up and try to steal our life force, drain our energy, and use our valuable time, if we allow them.
Let’s use a friend as an example. They are in a situation that is clearly a challenge and they are complaining to you about it. You offer advice and support, to help them, yet they ignore you and come up with a list of excuses, while blaming their circumstance on everyone and everything, except themselves.
Does this sound like someone who truly wants our help? Or does it sound like someone who wants to exploit our life force, use our energy to fix their life? Meanwhile, they are not taking responsibility and playing the victim.
Deep down, you know they can help themselves, if they really wanted to. Now you start to feel resentful. Then that nasty shadow of Guilt sets in.
"Guilt is that feeling we run from when we see it coming, yet we can't seem to hide. Guilt is a major happiness robber. Guilt takes up valuable real estate in our mind and tricks us into thinking we are wrong and the perpetrator is right. Guilt plays with our self-esteem and keeps us in the victim mentality, prohibiting our ability to find the true picture of what is really happening. And, by the way, when we befriend Guilt, it means the person who is robbing our energy wins!"
In my book, I talk about my own personal boundary challenges and when I stood up for myself, I became a much happier person. I write:
"If we don’t honor ourselves by setting clear boundaries, we remain the main character in our victim story, letting others dictate how we move through life. When we ignore our own feelings, we are putting other people’s health and welfare ahead of our own.
You deserve to feel good.
You deserve to protect yourself from people and things that make you feel bad.
You deserve to honor all that is inside you.
By mindfully taking care of ourselves, we will be available for others in a more meaningful way. In order for us to put our world in order, we must first cultivate our own lives and know where our heart lies. That’s when we can begin to help others see their light.”
Notice how you feel in a situation that is robbing your energy and life force. Are you feeling anxious and trapped, with no way out? Does your body tighten up as you feel a rise in blood pressure? If so, that’s a true indication that you are not in agreement with what is happening, yet still allowing the situation to unfold.
This is when it’s helpful to stop, take a step back to evaluate what is going on. Call a trusted friend, coach, or family member, who can offer a clear perspective of the situation. Staying mindful of what is happening, allows you find a way to acknowledge your feelings, to investigate the situation, and to realize this is not serving your well-being. Remember that quote from my book “No one gets to make me feel sad, bad or anxious without my consent!”
You wouldn’t let them treat your children this way, learn to take the same steps to protecting yourself. When you do, you kick that guilt train off its tracks, and live according to your rules.
Coming soon… Finding My Way Notes of Inspiration, a compilation of quotes and notes of inspiration taken from Finding My Way, Facing My Journey with Courage. Will be available on Amazon soon!
To your health and happiness,